Nightlife
It is too early, but I can’t sleep anymore, a lifelong reality I have sometimes appreciated more than right now. Caleb is also awake. I can hear him in his restlessness – also a lifelong reality. An ambulance siren wails more loudly as it draws nearer, stirring up some dogs in the neighbourhood and coyotes nearby who inhabit the floodplain – voicing an agony for me I keep under layers.
The siren fades, the canine howls fade and Caleb and I are left to soothe ourselves as best we can; I know I won’t be able to soothe him.
I sit here writing
layering words, pencil prayers
to cover us bothNight vigils, proffered prayers, punctuated by vocal tic bursts, barks and sirens (amens perhaps?) surround me. More than three, not gathered exactly, but unified, God’s good creatures offering a holy wailing for peace from distress, night disturbances and the agonies that unsettle us all.
© 2016 Laurel Archer
Nightlife – ‘atravel journal’ prayer July 31
I am with you Laurel, as I lie engulfed in pain that no opioids help. I take the medicines, but the agony is relentless. 30 prescription meds a day, but the pain goes on and on, echoing down the days, and I am so fatigued that I am suprised that I am visible, as it leans on me, till I am a crumpled sobbing heap. Do we all lie awake in our struggles…? Maybe, but I am here with you, cousin. I love you.
Thank you Deb for sharing part of your reality here. I know yours too is a long journey and yet I also know you travel it with a courageous presence that is met with divine grace. I’m grateful to be a witness and a companion on the journey, even if it is only on a cyber trail mostly. Peace to you,
Laurel
Dear Laurel, when I think of you, I remember Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.” King James Version. I think of this verse because it describes you so well. You are a faithful, diligent, kind, patient, persistent, wise and sometimes a wounded healer. Your commitment to God, your husband and your children shines in all you do. Equally, you remind me of our Grandma Shram who shared many of those attributes herself. She would be very proud of you. You write so well in prose and poetry and what you write comes from your soul and has been refined many, many times before you share it. I am in awe of your strength and humility. In this wakefulness that you and Caleb endured together, yet apart, I feel a sense of advent. Or even it’s a bit like Samuel waking up in the middle of the night many times because God was calling his name.Then Samuel answered “Speak Lord for thy servant heareth”. You do that. You not only pray but you Kythe God. Your yearning for God is very precious. Sometimes tender, sometimes fierce, sometimes in sorrow. Sometimes in joy. At all times holding on as tight as you can. Your journey is a witness to your faith and inspiring to all. Please know that the mystery of your journey is not in vain. Somehow, some way I believe God will or is using the power of your surrender to bring something new to birth. Thank you for all you sacrifice and for your extravagent willingness to give your all to and for God. You may never know who is touched, healed or inspired by your example but know that in God’s eyes and others you are a Mighty Woman. And your price, indeed, is way above rubies.
I think the only thing I can say Beryle is thank you — I do so hope there is a way to touch others, even mysteriously and without knowing. It is helpful to be reminded of the possibility.
Peace to you,
Laurel