The last time our family went on a vacation together – all of us, Caleb spun into a self-injurious behaviour cycle. That cycle was number three or four, but believe me, we wanted to do everything we could NOT to let another happen. The family vacation was the reason, so family vacationing was stopped. That was 15 years ago.

There’s a lot of history in those 15 years — reasons why we didn’t, couldn’t, were too chicken to try, but fast forward to now, we’re here and we’re trying. Well actually, we’re into it and the beginning was smooth except…

… almost always, when invited to go in the car, Emma will turn to me and sign, with strength, that I am to stay home. The car was packed, Emma could see a car ride was pending and so she gave me the ‘Stay’ sign. Not wanting to deceive her, I told her it was ‘ok’ and continued gathering stuff. But she grew insistent and took me by the hand and led me to my desk chair — which meant, ‘Do something, look like you’re staying!’

But you cannot stay

and start. One position

must be abandoned.

Here are today’s wins: Emma let me come! We navigated lunch. Nobody needed an Ativan. After the initial discover and protest, that we would all be together in one hotel room, Emma allowed it (although Caleb made John sleep for awhile in a chair). And Emma took a bath in a completely unknown tub, in a small bathroom with a very scary fan (that’s big people!).

Sleep’s gift received

we’ll be ok as four sardines

in a silver can.

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