In the middle of this Advent season, I had to take Emma for blood work.  Well, actually it should have been done two months ago, but I was procrastinating because of the effort that must be put into such a task. Autism makes most things more complicated.  I went once, shortly after I got the requisition and failed as I knew we would. Emma is suspicious about most new things, so when it involves a new room, with a funny chair, women in uniforms wielding vials and needles, success rates plummet.

This morning however we were successful, largely due to the fabulous help I recruited but also because of a simple tool from another life.  A selendang is cloth about 2.5 metres in length used in Indonesia to carry things by wrapping them to your body.  One of the most frequent of ‘things’ are babies tied to mothers.  I learned to use one when we lived in Indonesia and loved it — so simple and so versatile – you can carry, soothe, shade your child, keep your hands free and it washes up easily and dries quickly. 

I never imagined it would help me in this way however…

Selendang
 
I used a simple length of cloth
elegantly dyed, to help 
hold you tight to the chair, 
to get the blood work done.
 
It couldn’t have been pleasant
even though that same fabric
swaddled you as a baby, tight
to my chest, as close to my heart
as possible – re-wombing you – 
as I wish I could have done
as you struggled today, afraid.
 
I’d have given my blood,
the blood that gave us both life once,
if it worked like that.  But it doesn’t;
you are your own person now.
So I’m glad I tucked the selendang 
away with your baby things,
because today, I could reassure myself
this was just more of the same
wrapped-up-tight-kind-of-love,
I have always had for you. 

© Laurel Archer 2018

Featured Photo – detail batik work of Selendang; Family photo: Indonesia.